Would Being Good-Looking Cure Your Shyness or Social Anxiety?
Which of the following two types of shy person are you?
1. Not good looking. You don’t think anyone could possibly be physically attracted to you, and that further lowers your self esteem.
2. Good looking. Almost everyone of the opposite sex think you are good-looking, looks you over, and comments on how hot/cute you are behind your back.
Are You Good Looking?
If you think you are not good looking, do you ever think that being good looking would help you? Not that it would make you outgoing, but that it might give you more self-confidence, seeing that people find you attractive, and that would lead to you being less anxious about what other people think of you?
If you think you are good looking, do you ever wonder if you are missing a piece of the puzzle? Like you should be able to be confident and outgoing, but something you can’t see inside you is holding you back? (And if you see your reflection by accident while in a social situation you may get a boost of self confidence. It’s like you “forget” you’re good looking.)
But if you are in either of these categories, then this article will probably be an eye-opener for you.
First of all, if you immediately put yourself into one of the two categories, you already have a misunderstanding of how people judge looks.
Problem 1: There Aren’t Two Types
To call yourself or anybody “attractive” or “unattractive”, is a generalization. Nobody actually fits into one of the two categories above.
However, you can judge good looks on a scale, or by comparison.
That’s why some guys attribute numbers to women based on how good-looking they think the woman is. They may say “She’s an 8″ or “She’s a 10″. The higher the number, the better.
You could also make a comparison like, ”Sarah’s hotter than Ashley.”
The main point is, if someone is seen as being good-looking, it usually has more to do with the person looking at them, then their own looks.
Some other guy may believe that Ashley is actually hotter than Sarah, or the 8 is a 6, or something else. And they would be right.
Although some people may fit into a general area on the “Attractiveness Scale”, high or middle or low, nobody has a definite position. Different people find different people good-looking. And as you will soon find out, good looks are not the be-all end-all of attractiveness.
Problem 2: Good Looks Vs. Attractiveness
Someone who is good looking isn’t necessarily attractive. Do good looks help? Sure, good looks can lead to attractiveness, but so can many other things.
First you have to understand what attractiveness is. You have to understand why people are attracted to good-looking people and what makes someone good-looking. Haven’t you ever been curious about these things?
Attractiveness comes from good feelings. Good looks are attractive because looking at someone who is good-looking gives us good feelings.
That’s basically what causes attraction: how a person makes another person feel. The good part about this is, feelings can come from many things, not just looks. (But I won’t pretend looks aren’t a bigger factor for a girl’s attractiveness. They are.)
How To Be Attractive Without Being Good-Looking
People like to be around people who are positive. Feelings are infectuous, and being around someone who is happy makes us feel happy. You can show positivity through your body language, inner “state”(more on this in later articles), and by smiling more. There are even techniques you can use to make yourself feel positive emotions instead of negative ones almost automatically, which I won’t reveal here. But you can’t pretend to be happy, it will show through.
And don’t take that smiling tip lightly. Most popular people, including celebrities, smile a lot. A common occurrence in people who are shy or antisocial is to barely ever smile. You have to consciously force yourself to smile more at the beginning. Practice in front of a mirror. Get any obviously messed up teeth fixed (a problem I had for many years), if that’s stopping you from smiling.
We also like people who are funny. And I know it’s hard to believe, but it IS possible to learn how to be funny. But it has to be the right type of funny, not jokes only you find funny, or worse, sarcasm.
The Real Problem
I gave you some good basic tips in the last two paragraphs, but reading them and actually doing them is a totally different story. I know how you feel. It is hard to change your personality, if you don’t know exactly what to do. “Be more funny and people will like you” is hardly any advice at all.
Also, the truth is that becoming more good looking would probably not make you happier or more social. Walk into a plastic surgeon’s clinic, and you will find many people, who solved their “problem”, but have not fixed their inner insecurities.
Although from the outside other people may see them as being more good looking than before, from the person’s perspective, nothing has changed. They still have the same low self-esteem and anxiety. They have become good-looking, but not attractive.
Fortunately, I’m working on a book to fix the inner problems first, so you can become more attractive and self confident no matter how ugly or good looking you think you are. It’s not ready yet, but feel free to browse the other articles on this website for now.
Here are the main points I’ve covered in this article:
- Different people find different people good-looking, and at different levels. There are only gray zones, so it is stupid to put yourself into an “attractive” or “unattractive” category.
- Good looks do not equal attractiveness. They can help, but attractiveness comes from giving someone good feelings. Looking at someone who is good-looking makes you feel good, which makes you think they’re attractive.
- You can become attractive by giving other people good feelings. Positivity, being funny, and an outgoing personality can all cause these feelings.
Yours in Social Success,
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